While a foreign fling may seem fun in the moment, even the briefest of romances can leave you burnt by sun and sadness
When I had my first holiday romance a couple of years ago in Barcelona, it felt like a rite of passage, something I’d fondly look back on as I remembered my late teens. But what was supposed to be a light-hearted memory ended up consuming me for the months after I returned home. I couldn’t fully enjoy day trips to the beach or nights out with friends because I was still so caught up in a two day romance. The briefness of our encounter made it feel foolish to talk about, but letting my feelings linger inside was equally unbearable.
As summer fizzled out and my tan started to fade, I still found myself wallowing. Confronted with the monotony of everyday life, I couldn’t let go of the connection I’d made during those few perfect days. I kept replaying our conversations over pints of Estrella at 2am and during long walks around the Gothic Quarter. We talked about our families, compared Christmas traditions and bonded over our shared love for bossa nova. Each time I relived those moments, a lump would form in my throat.
It’s no surprise that more than half of Brits have had a romantic encounter while on holiday. When you’re away, you’re free from the stresses of everyday life. You can immerse yourself in the moment and invest all your energy into another person. It’s the reason why Love Island works so well.
According to Elle Australia’s dating coach and columnist Sera Bozza, holiday romances feel particularly electric because they exist in a moment. The built-in deadline of a holiday forces people to be all-in. She explains: “You’re not overthinking. You’re not playing it cool. You’re fully present because there’s no time to be anything else.”
Holiday romances have even become a popular cinematic trope – from the sultry Italian coming-of-age story in Call Me by Your Name to the love triangle that unfolds in rural Mexico in Y Tu Mamá También. Even childhood favourites starring the Olsen twins, like Passport to Paris and Holiday in the Sun, had us fantasising about romances in European cities or on Caribbean islands long before we were old enough to experience them ourselves.
But once you realise how hard holiday romances are to move on from, you may find yourself resenting the Olsen twins forever.
In the Summer of 2022, content creator Kiara Arlette ended up attending a David Guetta concert alone in Ibiza after her friend fell ill on the first day of their trip. There, she met a French boy who would inspire her viral TikTok with over 100,000 likes saying, “How do you go back to normal life after meeting someone on holiday that made you feel that spark again?”
She vividly remembers that night: “We instantly clicked and spent the entire night together, dancing and enjoying the music. We kissed and it felt so natural, like no time had passed at all.”
Expecting it to be a fleeting encounter, she was surprised when he made plans to visit her in Madrid, where she was spending the rest of the summer. That’s when Arlette’s feelings for him deepened.
“It felt like we were a couple – exploring the city together, going to dinners, flamenco shows, having pool days, and dancing.”
Despite how special those days were, Arlette knew their time was limited.
“When his trip came to an end, we said our goodbyes. I was heading back home, and it hit me hard. I cried the night before my flight, unsure when we’d see each other again. He lived in Paris and I lived in Miami.”
Their short-lived romance stayed with her long after her return to Miami, and she spent months contemplating whether she should move to Europe because of how much pain she was in.
“It left a lasting impression. Six months before meeting him, I had gone through a tough breakup with my ex and was devastated, convinced I’d never feel that spark with anyone again. But then I met this French guy and everything changed.”
Toni, the creator behind Toni’s Travels on TikTok, found herself in a similar situation last year when she went on a solo trip to Hong Kong to celebrate her birthday. Wanting to meet new people, she made a Hinge profile as soon as she arrived.
“I wasn’t expecting much from it, but then I matched with this guy who was completely my type.”
“From our first date, I knew it wasn’t going to work because he was settled in London and I am constantly travelling. But I loved his charisma and felt like I could talk about anything with him.”
When he returned to London, Toni was heartbroken. “I was so sad when he left — he gave me a kiss on the forehead when I was half asleep and said, ‘I’ll text you when I land in London.’ I already assumed he wouldn’t text me. But after a day he reached out, saying how much he enjoyed our time together and wished me a happy birthday. I was ecstatic when I saw the text but also sad, knowing he was just another ‘holiday romance’.”
They exist in their peak moment, where everything is perfect and right and untouched by reality
Holiday romances are hard to move on from because, as Bozza explains, they never get the chance to fail. They don’t dissolve due to boredom, life complications or stress. “They exist in their peak moment, where everything is perfect and right and untouched by reality,” she says. “Your brain treats that like unresolved potential, making it much more challenging to let go.”
For the longest time, Arlette found herself wondering what would have happened if she had invested in a long-term relationship with the guy she met in Ibiza. But after she began dating locally and focusing on herself, she slowly stopped fixating on the life she could have had.
Meanwhile, Toni focused on everything she had gained from that relationship. After years of feeling emotionally closed off, he was the first person who made her feel safe enough to open up to since the end of her long-term relationship. Their connection reminded her that she was still capable of feeling love, even if it was fleeting.
Bozza always advises her clients to ask themselves, “What did that romance bring out in me?” If it brought out more confidence or spontaneity, hold on to that. If it took a “delusional” holiday romance to remind you that passion still exists, cherish that too. While the relationship may not have lasted, all the discoveries you made about yourself will stay with you.
So, the next time you find yourself crying your heart out on a plane ride home, know this feeling won’t last forever. Soon enough, it will be a fun anecdote to share about your trip. It’s proof that you truly lived in the moment, and before you know it, you’ll be flirting with someone new, perhaps on a Greek island over an Aperol spritz.