Author of The Spark, Rosalind Moody, talks about the big bang of a breakup, going on a man break, and following signals from your body on a first date

Rosalind Moody: writer, dater, and romcom super fan joins our Zoom call from her south London flat. 

After the success of her first book The Spark, a social media sensation about love and spirituality in a toxic dating world, Moody is opening up about her current perspective on dating. For someone who is a self-professed extrovert, her energy is nothing short of serene. At 31-years-old, she has experienced life as a girlfriend, being on a “man break”, and is currently in her conscious dating era. Today she is oddly comfortable with being vulnerable.

This period of her dating life is all about staying in tune with your body and not rushing headfirst into disastrous and intense connections. The key? Assessing your date’s aura. 

Her breakup with Supernova (a pseudonym for the ex-boyfriend that showed her a whole new realm of thinking) happened whilst she was still a young adult. They met at a party – before dating apps took over. “I was a wide-eyed 23-year-old, still living with my parents, in a job I enjoyed. I dreamed of travelling the world, of moving to London, and then I found myself in a relationship that I thought I was very happy in, but my feelings were telling me, ‘This is not right. You’re not as happy as you think’.”

Moody recalls her time with Supernova with a sense of clarity that only comes with time, and in her case a lot of journalling. “He was my oxygen. He was my root. He was my grounding. I was in a horrible mood before I saw him or even smelt him; I go back to that animalistic kind of thing.” But like many young hearts in love, things went south when Rosalind realised that their relationship was a bubble of “toxic positivity”. After endless drawn out arguments, the relationship was sent to its grave in a swift text exchange. 

“I discovered that shame was blocking the release of my heartbreak” 

In the depths of her heartbreak she fell back into one of her first loves: writing. Several years later she channelled all of her hurt, and the lessons she learned, into the ultimate guide for dating spiritually. And her first book, The Spark, was born.

Rosalind began writing when she found herself amongst a circle of friends who were all occupied by their relationships. She was struck by a damning realisation: she had become the designated single friend. “It was what was making me feel so lonely, and then the shame was off the scale. But I have since found friends who are single and have a similar way of life. They’re reiki healers, or they’re spiritually minded.”

Although Rosalind may have fought through her own breakup by delving into her writing, she wants you to know that the real work is done through your bodies. “I think bodywork, such as crying, movement, shaking, dancing, yoga is so important and you do not have to be spiritual to do these.” It is all about getting in touch with your physical responses to another person and to your own emotions. “I discovered that shame was blocking the release of my heartbreak.” 

Experiencing so much guilt pushed Rosalind to find other ways to heal her heart: “I felt less shameful about needing to use my body to process heartbreak and the grief and loss of missing him when I learned that animals literally shake to relieve stress.” 

“Do I like myself around this person? Do they make me feel important, funny, all the things that I value in myself. Do they have time for me?” 

After heartbreak comes the inevitable crawl back to the dating world, a time that is often met with reluctant swipes on dating apps or awkward set-ups with friends of friends. 

Rosalind recommends doing the absolute opposite: holding onto those first sparks when you lock eyes with a stranger across a crowded bar is the worst way to approach single life. “I believe in, not necessarily a slow burn, but a conscious burn, when you’re just really rooted in yourself, and you’re saying: do I like myself around this person? Do they make me feel important, funny, all the things that I value in myself. Do they have time for me?” 

It is also imperative to listen to your body. Rosalind emphasises that although we do not always need to question every sensation, it is still important to catch up with yourself. Her streams of advice and tell-tale signs of a real connection all come down to one overarching question: “How am I experiencing their company right now?”

A big part of achieving conscious dating, and reconnecting with your body is by disconnecting with dating apps. “A friend of mine went on a complete man-break after following my advice. A man-break is not just coming off the dating apps but actually wanting to delete them.”

Much like many of the rom-com characters that she spent her teenage years obsessing over, Rosalind would much rather meet someone in person, which is exactly how she spent her Valentine’s Day Weekend. She attended a speed dating event in Hackney, east London, run by the Psychedelic Society. 

Her first date of the evening appeared to be the classic rom-com meet-cute: sparks were flying as they both ended up as each other’s favourite dates of the night, promising a real chance at a romantic connection. 

“But this wise old, 31-year-old me, reminded myself that it was just a good date, a good eight minutes, and we’ll see if there’s another good eight minutes.” Rosalind is sticking to her boundaries and she hopes that Mr Meet-Cute will do the same. “We’ll see if they align; if they don’t then there are no hard feelings.

“I’m approaching new connections differently with total unattachment.”