Some people turn to food, others to haircuts, but after Florence Williams’ breakup, she turned to science

After 25 years of marriage, Florence Williams discovered her husband was in love with another woman. Like all the broken-hearted, she felt tight in her chest and a sense of floating “unmoored” through space when the relationship ended. “My body was really inhibiting those feelings,” she says. This sensation kickstarted an ongoing journey of exploring the science behind heartbreak. 

The science journalist discovered the common phrases used to describe heartbreak originate from the body’s physical response. “The adrenaline and the norepinephrine (the stress hormones) make you feel very amped up. It’s like you are about to be pounced on by a predator; you’re suddenly in a state of threat that you weren’t in five minutes before.”

Through her research, Williams hoped to uncover the neurochemistry behind a breakup because, in the aftermath of the split from her husband, she was struggling to sleep, lost weight and developed type-1 diabetes. She met with a psychoneuroimmunologist, an anthropologist and even made herself a “guinea pig” for a science experiment that examined the response of her body’s nervous system as she looked at a picture of her ex. 

“Some part of me thought that this rollercoaster of emotions, the pain that people undergo once they’re heartbroken [is] all in the brain,” she says. 

Steve Cole, professor of Psychiatry and Behavioural Sciences at UCLA, explained to Williams that our cells can detect loneliness and sense it as a threat. As such, the body “feels attacked” and increases its defence response which drives inflammation. 

“It’s helpful to have your blood pre-inflamed so it can fight infection,” says Williams. “But if you’re lonely for months and then years, this inflammation will start to disrupt your normal immune system and specifically your inability to fight viruses.”

“This is why pain like loneliness and heartbreak can be so devastating for our health,” she adds. 

Although our brains are wired for heartbreak, there is still hope, because they are also wired for recovery. Williams suggests spending time in nature, doing yoga, breathwork and building connections with others to realise you are not alone in your pain. Speak to therapists, friends and be vulnerable. 

Williams’ final piece of advice is to find meaning and purpose in the breakup. For her, this scientific exploration into heartbreak was the real healer.  “I found meaning in this project,” she says.